Anger.

It's been asleep for a while now, and it's just waking up. Ive had straight anger for the past 2 days and im on the edge of insanity. And what angers me so? What else do I have to be angry about?! sex. love. romance. MEN.

No, Im not feminist. I do not hate men. I do not believe women and men are equal. I dont believe women are better than men. However, they've got to have it easier. Men are in no hurry to get married. Men dont really have to work hard on being physically attractive. Men dont have a reminder of fertility every 4 weeks or so. Men aren't so emotional as women. Men have life easy. If I could, I would be a man. Easy as pie.

Ok, maybe not, but it sure seems that way.

I suppose it just makes me furious that now I have to work to earn a guy's heart when it should be the other way around. Believe it or not, some days I actually dont feel like putting makeup on in the morning, but I know that if I didnt I wouldnt be attractive [and that's the very last thing I want]. It ails me that I have to put so much of my time and effort into looking good for a species of human that isnt even worth it. Men don't seem to need love as much as women do. As much as I do.

It almost brings me to tears how much I want/need love. I rather put this need on the shelf and get it out when Im bored. [can men do that?]

So what else makes me so frazzled? I cant believe it all. There's no hope for me. Literally.

Im going to end up in an arranged marriage with no positive feelings toward my less-than-manly-and-even-less-attractive husband my parents knew would provide me at least some means to pay my outragous cosmetic surgery bills. Not all Christian guys are less-than-manly-and-even-less-attractive. I mean, that's a stupid generalization. But it's true. Id like to think there's a sexy guy [with a beard, I might add. Beards are hott and tough ] that's also a lover of Jesus that can pursue me and strive to earn my heart. Id like to think that he'd care enough about me to not give up on me when I get emotional [like almost every guy in my life has]. Id like to think Jesus could take away all my anger/frustration/depression/anxiety RIGHT NOW.

But He won't. It's His plan.

Darn.